At a party, I accidentally opened an expensive bottle of wine that wasn’t supposed to be shared. How can I make things right?
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Dear Dr. Vinny,
A friend brought a bottle of wine to a party and was told to put it near two wine refrigerators. By the time she was ready for a glass, her bottle was already empty. The volunteer pourer (a friend of the host) helped her find another bottle of red and opened it.
The next day, the host wrote a scathing email calling my friend a thief and demanding that she pay for his wine, which apparently was expensive and not meant for guests. She never would have consumed it had she known. What to do?
—Maria, San Francisco
Dear Maria,
Oof. First off, let me remind you of my mantra about host gifts: They are for the host to consume (or not) on their own, and typically shouldn’t be expected to be opened for that event unless prior arrangements have been made.
That said, I’ve definitely been to parties where people bring beverages of their choice and then immediately open them to enjoy and share. In that situation, I’ve been known to bring multiple bottles—one for the host that I expressly say is for them to enjoy alone, plus other wines meant for everyone. I’ve even been known to hide the nice bottle so it won’t be consumed by the party mob. Yep, that’s me tucking bottles of wine in your coffee mug cabinet!
In this situation, keeping an off-limits bottle of wine in the public cooler wasn’t a good move on the host’s part. If the fancy bottle was a gift from another partygoer, then the gifter should’ve made it clear that it wasn’t for the party, and the host should’ve put it somewhere safe. If the host had the bottle in his cellar before the party, it should have been moved out of reach or clearly marked as off-limits.
It’s also a bad move for the host to appoint someone to pour without letting that person know what’s OK to share and what’s not. If there are any don’t-touch-me wines, they should be kept far away from the revelry, if possible.
It sounds like everyone’s heart was in the right place until it all went wrong. It was nice for the host to throw a party. It was nice of your friend to bring a bottle of wine. It was nice for someone to pitch in on serving duties. And there’s certainly nothing wrong with being at a party and asking for a glass of wine!
For me, the situation falls off the rails with the scolding email. Even if the host is frustrated or disappointed—and even if he actually thinks your friend had planned a long con to be invited to the party just to pilfer a glass of fancy wine from his cellar—there’s no way to walk back an accusation like that. If the friendship is important to salvage, your friend could consider buying a replacement bottle and explaining that it was an innocent mistake. If not, I hope she finds other friends to laugh about this experience with—over a glass of wine, of course!
—Dr. Vinny
